It all started at the bus stop. I stood with the other parents, laughing and catching up on the neighborhood news. Our children, mostly boys, were racing up and down the sidewalk, laughing and playing dodge. When the bus pulled up and flung its doors open, the atmosphere instantly changed. The playful chatter turned to complete silence. In a matter of seconds, both the children and parents went from lighthearted enthusiasm to an alarmingly somber mood.
As each child climbed the steps, you could hear their parent yell out things like, “Don’t forget to turn in your homework.” “Make sure you stay on Green.” and “Don’t forget to bring your folder home.” This went on until the doors closed and the bus pulled away.
That’s when it hit me! Our relationships with our children were driven by the school. Their ‘green, yellow, or red’ behavior report, homework folder, and forms to be signed, determined how we spent our evenings together and worse, how we sent them off to school!
“I Quit!”
As I drove to work, I decided to heed that morning’s wake up call. I made up my mind that the school was not going to hijack our family’s relationship! When our 4th and 6th graders returned home, I asked them if they wanted to have their evenings free of homework. Of course they agreed, what child wouldn’t! That’s when I made three things clear.
First, school is your only job. No one from your job should ever call my job because you’re not taking your responsibilities seriously. Ever!
Second, if you don’t want to spend hours doing homework, you need to know how lessons are taught and how to take full advantage of each of the following steps, learning to ask questions along the way. I told them how carefully attending to each step was the key to mastering the skill
- The first 5-10 minutes are for reviewing an old skill
- Next, the teacher will introduce and teaches a new skill
- Then students are given time to practice the new skill
- Finally the teacher summarizes what was learned
“I don’t Get it!”
After explaining the structure of lessons, I explained the proper way to ask questions. First, never wait until the end of the lesson to say, ‘I don’t get it or I don’t understand’. Stop the teacher as soon as you are confused. Also, when asking for help, identify the specific step in the math lesson or the specific sentence in the passage where you got lost. Doing these two things lets the teacher know you’re serious about learning.
Finally, if there is time left in class, use it to start your homework. Starting it during class gives you time to practice while the skill is still fresh in your mind. It also gives you access to the teacher should you run into a problem.
From that day forward most of our evenings were ours to enjoy. Cooking, playing board games, and watching movies together became the norm. Both continued to take their “jobs” seriously; graduating from high school and college with honors.
Their amazing outcomes as Black men make me proud and have left me with no regrets. To this day, I am happy to have quit allowing the school to dictate my relationship with my sons!
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